Beginning. Post heartbreak.

I am not quite sure where to start or how to even begin.
We have all been through HEARTBREAK. You know that one feeling that we all fear. That word that once heard can bring you back to a time that you knew for sure you could not get out of. A time where it felt like nothing else in the world could feel worse than that. 
A year I was a lost soul. I had just gotten out of a four year relationship that I was sure was going to be the person I ended up marrying. Sure we had our flaws, and fights and broken promises, but I was willing to do anything and everything to keep what I had. We had been broken up for a couple months. I had to quit my job, move out of the apartment I once called home with him, and leave friends and family to start over a few hours away at my parents house. 
Now I wont get into the details of what exactly was done in the relationship to cause it to fail, because truthfully it was not just him. We both were at fault. I think we both knew it was over before he actually said the words BREAKUP. The other word that once heard, can feel like a knife to your stomach. But nothing will compare to being told you were no longer loved anymore. The first time he told me those words, I felt I could no longer breathe. It felt as if a knife stabbed my heart, and for the longest time the knife stayed stuck there and I was not able to remove it. He was my everything, my future, my past, my first love, my best friend. But what I had learned that no matter how much two people love each other does not mean they end up together. Tragedy? Yes. Will it get better? Yes. But like all people say and whether it is cliche or not TIME heals all wounds. There was a time where I would want to call and check to make sure he was doing ok, because truthfully we both went through it and no matter what people say four years is a lot to throw away. Cause essentially that is what we are both doing. You will never hear me say that I wish him bad, or that I wish our relationship never happened because I don't. Although the last moments of the relationship were the most painful memories, there was always the laughs and good moments that we had shared. We shared travels, jokes, apartments, we spent countless hours driving to see each other when it was long distance. I will never want to take those back. I learned from every experience we had whether it had been good or bad. Those ghosts will haunt me for awhile. But I can say I am at a place where I feel more of myself.